I have the mental capacity of a preschooler. This may come as a shock to those of you who knew me in my glory days of brainhood. You know, those days of late nights, straight A’s, Bachelor’s degrees, Deans Lists…The Thinking Times. Now, I’m a mother. I have no use for such things. My children have no use for such things. They do not care if I could write curriculum, prattle on about Early American History, or write music with triads. They want dinner. NOW.

Are you worried for my spiritual state? You shouldn’t be. Because though my brain is mush, the Lord is actually able to reach me much better in my current state than He could while I was cramming for exams. While I was doing “that thinking thing”. So much thinking. When you are surrounded by children, the Lord’s truths are obvious and brilliant and clear. Meditation isn’t necessary to feel His presence. You are bombarded by it like your baby’s foot to your head at 6 in the morning: “HEY. I’m HERE.” And it’s beautiful.
Continue reading When Brains Turn to Mush: Is There Spiritual Hope for Young Mothers? →

Have you ever had a moment when your life felt like a plane taking a nosedive? That nothing short of a miracle could save you from disaster? Perhaps you had a tough decision looming and couldn’t make up your mind; didn’t get the job opportunity or housing situation or scholarship that you had thought was the answer to your prayers; or felt that you messed up a relationship for good and life could never be the same.

Looking back on these moments in my life, I see that the crash never came – that oftentimes my life took a positive turn in a new, hitherto unimagined direction. It is hard to see this in the moment, though: uncertainty (i.e. lack of control) can be frightening. It can lead to hopelessness and apathy, or it can lead to a crippling effort to control the uncontrollable. When embraced in a healthy way, uncertainty does something entirely different: it enlivens and excites, and yes, it even offers a sense of freedom. Continue reading Embracing Uncertainty on Life’s Dance Floor →

I know that I am supposed to use my own mind and judgment to act. To make decisions. To live.

I also know that I have nothing, that I am weak, that I am nothing without the Lord. In every moment I need His help, for He is the only source of good and truth. None of it comes from me.

It’s a paradox. Two seemingly different things that somehow can both be true at the same time. In fact, the combination of these two things, played out daily in a balanced and practiced way, seem to me to make up the crux of our spiritual lives. Resolving this paradox is the key to our freedom and spiritual transformation. The Lord values our freedom to an extreme degree, and I think it is because He knows that we will be truly happy and have the greatest joy when we choose to accept His life with our whole selves. I guess in order for there to be variety, interest, and purpose in this life, we need variety in humans – variety in our talents and characteristics – so the more we are willing to BE ourselves and use our own unique qualities to serve the Lord, the more useful, perfect, and happy angels we can be.
Continue reading Who Supplies the Answers Around Here, Me or the Lord? →

Pornography is something that has affected me and many people I love. I guarantee it has or is currently affecting someone you love, and so even though this is a difficult topic, I encourage you to read on: this is relevant to you. I am writing to share my experience and thoughts with others who acknowledge that pornography is harmful. I want to share what I know, mostly through sharing my journey of supporting a man in his fight against porn. My hope is that through sharing, I can open a safe space for discussion about what women can do to better support their men in the fight against lust, be they brothers, husbands, sons or friends.

Pornography’s reach should not be underestimated. Wonderful as it is, the internet has done some bad things for the world, and making pornography painfully easy to find is one of them.(http://www.fightthenewdrug.org is a good, safe place to look for facts and information on porn’s spread and effects). Of the men I’ve talked to about this, maybe a few haven’t struggled with pornography at some point. For the majority, it has been an ongoing struggle since they were boys. The battle that has touched me the deepest is my husband’s.
Continue reading Pornography: Loving a Fighter →