Seeing the Light

I feel lost; but all is not lost. I can see some light.

I take comfort in my new lostness in Psalm 23 (NKJV):

“The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He maketh me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His Name’s sake.”

When I feel lost, as I do now, I sing this to myself. I have taken to singing it with the children at bedtime, with me singing the alto part. When I am lost, I sing. This restores my soul and I am reminded always to look to the Lord.

We moved house. We moved cities 1600km (995miles) from our previous home. We left the comfort of friends and family. We let go of things in our lives that fed our souls. We have moved away from the New Church community that we loved and were part of. This has been a difficult move. I feel lost.

In am lost because I don’t know my way around where I live yet. However, I have found my way physically, thanks to maps on my phone, and having bought a map book of our new city. This has brought light in many ways. Teaching my children how to read a map is a skill in itself and we are finding it fun to look through the map book to find places and plan our routes. Sometimes we do get physically lost, because we take a wrong turn. There are lessons in that too. How to recalibrate and find another solution.

I am lost because I lost something of my life that was dear to me. However, in my new found lostness, I have found new things. I have discovered that in letting go of those things I found important to me before, I have found new purpose. New things that don’t replace what I had before, but which enhance where I was at. I have found other activities to help me to be me.

I am lost because I don’t know how I feel. I feel numb. There’s too much to take in all at once. I have always been the adventurous one. I have travelled around the world to many far off places and enjoy doing so, even on my own. I love adventures. I am not adverse to change. However, part of me didn’t want to move. I was happy in my own space. I have been moved out of my space and into a new one and I know it will take time to find how to fill that space emotionally. In moving, however, our family came back together after 14 months of being apart.

In this emotional space of feeling lost, I have found a new light. I have rediscovered things about myself. In helping the children to feel less lost, it has helped me to feel the same. Every day, we find one new thing that we love about where we live now. Every weekend, we go on a new adventure to discover new places to go for walks, or take our dog, or swim. In watching their joy in discovery, it is helping me to feel less lost and see the light again.

The light we have found has manifested itself in spending more time with family here that we had not spent much time with previously. This has been a joy and an addition to our lives.

We have become part of a New Church community here, and are making new friends all who love the Lord and want to worship Him in the same way we did before. It is different, but it is good.

I haven’t lost my friends and family that I loved being with where I lived before. They are still there and still very dear to my heart. They are just a message, email or phone call away. I miss them, and that’s okay. I will rejoice and value the time we have together when we meet again.

I have decided to not start anything new in my life. I have decided to expand on the things I can already do or know. I have felt inadequate because I have never been amazing at anything, but good at a whole lot of things: “Jack of all trades, master of none…” as the saying goes.

So maybe it’s okay to feel lost for a while. I am starting to see the light. I find positives where before I saw only everything I didn’t have, or had given up. I have found myself in different ways.

I feel lost, and will do for some time to come. However, I can see the light. I am not spiritually lost.

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (NKJV John 14:6)

Have there been times in your life when you have felt lost? What did you do in those times? What brought you to see the light? What wisdom can you share to help others who may feel lost?

About Anne Waters

Anne is a wife, mother and career woman. She is married to Gary and has 3 children. She grew up in Scotland and went to Edinburgh University where she got an MA in Japanese. She moved to London after University and spent the next 10 years working for various Japanese and American companies using her Japanese and gaining valuable business skills. It was in London that Anne met Gary and decided to get married and have children. After their second child was born, they moved to Durban in South Africa, where they live now and where Gary is from originally. Their third child was born in South Africa. Anne is now able to be a full time mother to their three children, whilst teaching Japanese and English as a Foreign Language during the hours the children are at school. Anne was raised in the Church of Scotland and came to the New Church through marriage and has spent the last 7 years in South Africa delving deeper into the writings of the New Church with the support, love and friendship of other like-minded women in the New Church in Westville.

3 thoughts on “Seeing the Light

  1. I really appreciated this! We have moved households 10 times…a couple of those time within the same city just different houses. This past time I figured it would be so easy, since we were moving without children (all grown now) and it was to my hometown. But I struggled the first several months. I felt lost. Part of the problem was that I kept remember how to get to places, that were from OTHER places we had lived. It was so confusing. I felt as if my associate spirits just hadn’t caught up to where I physically was. But once I let myself be ok with the lostness…somehow it dissipated and pretty soon I felt ok and not so lost anymore. I just had to be OK with the process!

  2. Thanks for sharing your story and state with us. Wishing you peace as you create your new Home with your family and the Lord.

  3. ((hugs)) It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, right now , Anne. 🙁 I’m sorry. And I really appreciate that you recognise that it’s *OK* to feel lost, for a time. Thank you for sharing your reflections on this experience; it was beautiful to read, and I hope it helped you, somewhat, too. I wish you many happy, grounding days ahead, and best wishes with the process of making your new home. xx

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