The Christian Marriage Bed

Woah, am I really going to broach this subject? Yes, I am.

“When the souls and minds of partners are united – and it is love truly conjugial that unites them – it follows that this loving union flows into their breasts and through these into their bodies and causes a striving to conjunction.” Conjugial Love 179

The image of marriage union in the book Conjugial Love is a beautiful one, one for which we can all strive. Sometimes, in this natural world that we live in, though, we have questions, doubts and concerns about sex and don’t always know where to turn. We can turn to the Lord in prayer, however answers are not always (or usually, for me), obvious. We can turn to the Lord’s threefold Word, but precious little is said about sex, and what is is often stated in veiled terms. (Case in point: finding suitable passages to accompany this article was no easy feat!) We can turn to secular books and the internet, but sometimes what we find is very crass, or speaks from a very physical, psychological or societal perspective and doesn’t take the Lord and the holy union of one man and one woman into consideration. (–Not to mention the accompanying paranoia of being discovered and thought to have a perverted mind!) We can turn to friends, but that can be really difficult and unnerving, too, and after all, we’re all pretty much in the same boat, having only the limited aforementioned resources at our disposal. I tried to figure things out on my own, within my own head with my own faulty reasoning, often coming to wrong conclusions and deciding that it must just be me, it must just be my problem, that I needed to just suck it up and deal with it.

A few months ago I decided that, by golly, there must be some suitable resource out there, in the bountiful world of the interweb?! I got online and mustered up the gumption to search something like ‘Christian wife’, and discovered a whole world of Christian sex websites, bloggers, podcasts and other God-centred, helpful, discreet resources.

My favourite finding has been the Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast. (They also have a website) Four Christian wives & mothers, and sometimes their guest speakers, regularly gather around a virtual kitchen table to tastefully discuss various topics, from newlywed tips and physiology to positions and how to manage sex when you have young kids. They take turns sharing their thoughts on each subject, casually yet discreetly lending insight from each of their different perspectives; they do a great job of sharing links to helpful, practical resources, and they always come back to ‘what does the Bible say about this?’ While it’s unfortunate that they haven’t got the Heavenly Doctrines in their repertoire, to be able to look at each issue with an insight into the correspondences of the various components, it’s so, so much better than a discussion devoid of any spirituality or Christian morals. 

Sexual intercourse is a God-given gift: the Lord wants husbands and wives to make love with each other, He wants us both to enjoy ourselves and to fulfil each other. It is an extremely special and unique bond shared by a married couple, and a healthy sexual relationship does a world of good toward maintaining that sacred union. It’s unfortunate that the marriage bed isn’t discussed a little more openly amongst members of the New Church, in my opinion.

It is a sensitive subject, to be sure, and should definitely be treated with careful discretion; I worry, though, that there might be copious New Church wives out there who are less than fulfilled in their sexual relationships and have taken on the burden of bearing it alone. I’ve been encouraged and inspired by these Sex Chat ladies, without having to divulge any information about myself, without having to drop a dime, without even having to leave my home – and without  having to compromise my morals. I look forward to many more years of happy, healthy connection with my husband in our marriage bed, and I wish the rest of you the same as well!

“Viewed in themselves, human bodies are simply replicas of minds outwardly organized to carry out the bidding of the soul. …When conjugial love joins a couple’s minds and moulds them into a marriage, it also then joins and moulds their bodies for it. When the mind has been moulded by conjugial love, moreover, not only is it inwardly present in the whole body so as to radiate throughout, but it is inwardly present further in the organs dedicated to reproduction, which are situated in their own area below the other areas of the body. In people who are united by conjugial love, their cast of mind finds final expression there. Consequently the affections and thoughts of their minds are channeled to them. …It follows in conclusion from this that as conjugial love is in a couple’s minds or spirits, such is it inwardly in the organs belonging to it.” Conjugial Love 310

If anyone wants to form a private group with me to discuss New Christian marriage bed topics, let me know, I’d be interested in facilitating that. Or, for that matter, if there already is a super-secret private group that already discusses these topics, please also let me know!

*By the way, regarding these passages from the Writings: let’s not be daunted by the claims that such is the state with those united in conjugial love, feeling that we aren’t there and therefore are doomed. I reckon that couples working on their regeneration and hopefully always progressing towards conjugial love can have moments of such intimate conjunction, too!

About Jenn Beiswenger

Jenn is a wife and mother, sister and daughter, chef and artist, pastor's wife and friend. She loves reading, cooking nutritious food, doing her art, helping new mums with their bubs, having a good heart-to-heart conversation about the important things in life. She is in awe of the Lord's workings, inspired by His sheer amazingness. She was born & raised in Canada, educated & started a family in the United States, and now lives & loves in Australia. It's all a big mish-mash, and it's all good.

9 thoughts on “The Christian Marriage Bed

  1. Yes! Thank you for going there!!! This was a refreshing, resonant read. Nice to know appropriate resources are out there and I sure would love to see a discreet, respectful, safe New Christian space for wives to discuss such things.

  2. I really appreciate you bringing up what can be such a tricky topic! I’ve had a lot of these reflections before, and also felt at a loss – not wanting to use google too much. There are two books I’ve found helpful along these lines “When Two Become One” by Christopher and Rachel McCluskey and also “Hot, Holy, and Humorous” by J. Parker. Thanks for starting the conversation!

    1. ‘Hot, Holy and Humerous’ — J’s one of the ‘Sex Chat’ ladies! 😀 I’ve wondered about her book. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts, Abby, and for sharing those resources. x

  3. Thank you, Jenn, for bravely ‘going there’.
    I would guess that , despite portrayals in movies, novels, etc , the not-so-great marriage bed experience is far more the norm. In fact, I believe that precisely BECAUSE there is so much sensational portrayal, most of us are bound to feel inadequate in that area. I have always just hung on to the thought that the Lord will lead us to greater fulfillment in the other world. But yes, a New Church women’s discreet discussion for the here and now would be useful!

    1. Thanks for your thoughts, Laurie. Yes, I agree that we’re warped to think that romanticized sex is the norm and everything that falls short of it is a failure! (It’s a shame, how broadly-publicized notions like that invade our thoughts.) It’s wonderful to think about what awaits us in the other world…. He’ll look after us, that’s for sure; thank goodness for that.

  4. Thanks for this Jenn! I’ve enjoyed our private discussions on this so far and would enjoy, and be willing to ‘go there’, in group if you assemble one.

  5. I don’t know how I missed this article last week but thank you!!!

    Thanks for writing it and opening this discussion. I’ve had a lot of thoughts on this topic too! I’ve been lucky to feel like I could have many of these discussions with my mom, but that can only go so far. It sure is a big topic with so much misinform or misguided advice and solutions.

    I’d be curious in seeing what a group or discussion would turn into. I’m not very into podcasts (just don’t like the medium) but I’d be especially interested in reading resources/thoughts from other NC women.

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