Loss From the “Inside” – A Personal Experience About Miscarriage

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55: 8-9

For a woman in her child bearing years, miscarriage is a topic she will never want to think about, let alone discuss. Sadly, it’s very common. According to the American College of Obstetricians and my Gynecologist, 1 in every 4 women has a miscarriage during their child bearing years. I was able to become pregnant very easily and had quick child births with my first two sons, so I had no idea that a miscarriage would ever happen to me till we started trying for our third.

My third pregnancy started just like my first two, but when I went to the doctor after the seventh week of my pregnancy she said that there was no heart beat and the amniotic sac didn’t look normal. She said I should come back in a week and she would be able to tell for sure if it was a miscarriage or not because then she could compare the measurements she was taking. That word broke my and my husband’s hearts. We were shaken to the core of our beings. We kept asking if we had done something wrong; I kept asking if I didn’t eat the right foods or I was too stressed. The doctor assured us that it’s nothing we did wrong but things like this just happen.

When we went back to see her the following week, she confirmed that I was having a miscarriage and that she saw blood in my abdomen. My husband was with me and we looked at each other with sad faces and heavy hearts. Then he said to me it’s not meant to happen this time. Now the trouble was to tell our family we are not having a baby. I blame myself on this one: I took the 12-week rule for granted this time because I had two healthy and normal pregnancies. I told my very close family members.

After we heard the bad news we had to also share it with all our family members. They were all sad and concerned for us. I told a family member not to worry because The Lord has a plan for us and it didn’t include this baby, and this close family member said, “don’t say that, which God will take a baby from her mother’. I didn’t want to blame or be mad at the Lord because I believe He knows what I can handle and He doesn’t give me too much more.

My boys were a tremendous part of my healing! I look at them and a sense of love and great fullness overtakes me. I have to help them to grow up and know and love the Lord. My husband was also so supportive and understanding. He helped me emotionally and physically and we leaned on each other and our faith in the Lord. The rest of my family was very supportive and loving.

Personally I believe with all certainty that if you believe in someone (The Lord) who is higher than yourself you always come back on the other side stronger after a tragedy. Also, it helps you to focus on the important things in life.

About Aisha Peltier

My name is Aisha Peltier. I'm a wife and a mother of two boys Gerard and Drexel. I'm originally from Ghana, West Africa. I currently live in Sussex, NJ with my family. I'm passionate about helping/ connecting with people. I attended Bryn Athyn College for two years and went to William Paterson University and got a degree in Public Health. I love reading, hiking, cooking and baking. My dad is a minister in the New Church and he introduced us to the Writings. I have been so fascinated by the writings of the New Church.

5 thoughts on “Loss From the “Inside” – A Personal Experience About Miscarriage

  1. Your article is so moving! I lost my second child in miscarriage– such a hard thing and so common and yet we women don’t seem to talk about it. So thank you for addressing this topic– I found your words very touching.

  2. Thank you for sharing on this difficult topic. Your words are beautiful and touching. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my first pregnancy very early on, but it still hurt more than I could’ve imagined. And it is so so easy to slip into wondering what you did “wrong.” The Lord does bring healing, but oof, it’s a hard hurt to hold.

    It’s so sad and strange that we so seldom talk about this when it is something so many of us have experienced. Even just knowing you’re not alone is huge. Thank you for opening a safe space to share!

  3. This very heart-wrenching experience you related so beautifully resonates in some deep way with me, but for me it is a different case; I have never been married and so have never had the chance to bear any children, and I feel there is a similarity for me in that I hold inside me the ‘loss’ of an idea and expectation I cherished my whole life. It seems similar, too, in the fact that childless, unmarried women seldom talk about those losses. I never thought about that parallel in just that way until reading your article and the comments.
    I think it is wonderful to have women who understand and can comfort each other through this kind of grieving (evidenced by the comments). I am so sorry for the loss of your Little One. May the Lord continue to hold you in His hands through these times.

  4. I’m very sorry for your loss, Aisha ~ and so thankful for the appreciation you are learning, and for your two boys and loving husband. It’s so true that miscarriage is so very common and also so very not-talked-about! I hope that you feel the comfort from your loved ones, as well as some ‘satisfaction’ (?) in the knowledge that you are not alone. I lost one, too, right about that 8-week mark.

    I also want to acknowledge the hurt of the anonymous commenter just before me, who mourns not having had the opportunity to know the joys and pains of marriage and child-bearing. I’m very sorry for your loss, too.

    Thanks for sharing this, Aisha. Thanks for helping the conversation along. God bless. xo

  5. Why is it that women(Wives) like to wear open and transparent dressing irrespective of the season. There is this saying that beauty is to be internal, let our beauty be kept for the our husband alone. My worried is on the married women who are called wives, there was an argument in the spiritual world where women or rather wives wanted to dress beautiful in order to be seen by others but the men said no, it should be only to her husband, and this was confirmed by wives from heaven, that the men are correct, married women are only to appear beauty to their husband…….. C.L. 330.4
    What is your opinion as a New Church woman?

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