Now that I have found my voice at 50, how can I work with the Lord to strengthen it?
I was not aware until recently that the Lord has placed me in various groups for just this purpose. I’m reading poetry in a group, singing in a choir, co-ordinating two New Church small group studies and more. Even this blog is a group effort! How did this happen and why?
As to the how, I have been pro-active in engaging with activities that support my well-being and interests. I’ve put myself out there, spoken up and taken the initiative to make myself useful to others. Without end-gaming. The flow I now find myself in is heart-warming and affirmative. I catch myself doing, rather than over-thinking where things might be headed. There is new resolve in my daily endeavours and purpose to my steps. I can’t see the future, but I can feel the current carrying me forward. For a long time, I’ve been afraid to reach out to life and suddenly, it’s reaching out to me. I’m in the swim of the Lord’s Providence.
Why now? Because the timing is right and the Lord has set things in motion. He feels I’m ready, after all the efforts I’ve made to reconcile my life in His eyes. Have I lingered a little too long in self-doubt? Undoubtedly! But it’s perfectly okay; He’s made allowances for that in His tailor-made plan for me. All I need to do is stick to the path and follow the bread crumbs He lays down. It’s not complicated or hard work. This comes naturally when we finally trust the Lord to lead us towards good. And yes, I’m experiencing miracles.
So what happens next? I’m curious to find out. A sense of hope and quiet anticipation sustains me daily. I’m practicing holding my note within the melody of sounds that I encounter in my groups. And that’s quite enough to be getting on with!
Here’s a poem that celebrates the end of my wonderful year ….. and the start of another.
Weightless, after the rack
flesh hanging loose
from soft bones, plumped up
like lilos on water –
buoyant with the breath
of angel wings,
like lungs on steroids.
I breathe! I am!
Velvet-soft light reaches for me
moment by moment suffusing me
with curiosity drowning me
in oxygen – such vision blows through me
like wind on grass. Feathers, golden
like dust motes
beating the up draft.
I am grounded, while up
ascended but here
held, while holding lightly
floating, while touched at the perfect temperature
to wake me up;
bathed in heaven
transposed into perpetual movement
in that quiet centre of the hurricane
like a dancer,
poised on slow motion camera –
a hovering kingfisher, inspired
by the Fisher of kings
and men. Free
elevated into my heart. This
is bliss – blessed sanctuary
where volition is simply awareness.
What is this wave of sound that stops, just short
of enveloping me; powered to withhold with love?
This note is new to me, perfect pitch
perfectly pitched; I can shape it with my tongue –
a palatable tone, crunchy with sustenance.
Can I chew music?
My first taste of You-me-us
beyond the looking glass.
I heed Your voice and bite.