Getting Back to the Warm Fuzzy Feelings

Marriage is a complex and layered thing. Loving (and continuing to learn to love) another person is a full, and deep, and nuanced experience. To see someone, learn their way of speaking, understand their body language, know how they think and act, understand their moods, and decide that you love that person and want to be forever with that person is a thing that is dense with knowledge, emotion, and a connection to the spiritual level. It can look like a simple natural world thing of daily interactions, but sometimes we can see and feel more of these layers than usual.

Marriage hasn’t always been easy for me. I feel privileged to have been given many tools heading into marriage. While I have never feared divorce, I have had times of questioning and times of anxiety and frustration, and times of wondering when I would get back to feeling warm and fuzzy towards my husband again. Through all of that, though, I have felt the depth of my marriage, and known that there is more to it than meets the eye. That there are more people affected by this non-material thing that exists between me and my husband. Affected in ways that I cannot know. But still I think it is hard to see the bigger picture of the impact of marriage when you are zoomed in on your own relationship.

This week I get the fun of being with my husband’s family for a wedding. It has been a week full of the hustle and bustle of wedding preparation, and amidst it all I am being filled up by the love of the bride and groom.

Being around a couple who are sweetly and lovingly and excitedly looking towards their own marriage, I feel like I can see a few more of the layers and spiritual implications of a seemingly non-material thing than sometimes. I see their support, and it inspires me to support. I see their affection, and it makes me want to reach out and hold my husband’s hand. I see them smile at each other as they realize they’re only a few more days away from being married, and I feel that anticipation and love and energy for their relationship, and I can’t help but remember my own wedding, and that sweet excitement as I went through those same days. And I feel the very concrete way that I am already benefitting from their marriage. Without even knowing or trying they are supporting me in reconnecting to my own marriage. I feel a little more connected to heaven as I am able to experience the power of witnessing other people’s love. I am re-engaged with the reality of a heavenly world full of couples working towards two people becoming more and more one person, and I am happy to love my husband.

About Abby Smith

Abby is a person. She works at being an emotionally intelligent person whose main focus currently is being a happy and loving mother to four kids and wife to Malcolm. Born and raised in a General church minister’s family, she has been exposed to the Bible and the Writings since childhood but is enjoying reading and understanding these books as an adult more and more. The amazing knowledge about love and wisdom and all of the emotions that follow have truly made her a happier and more self-assured person. Her husband serves as the head pastor of New Church Westville near Durban, South Africa. While leaving family behind is a challenge, she quite enjoys living in Africa.

9 thoughts on “Getting Back to the Warm Fuzzy Feelings

  1. Awww! That made me feel warm and fuzzy, Abby. 🙂 Thanks! Thanks for that short, sweet, simple yet deep reflection on marriage. I think I need to attend some more marriages……. 😉

    1. It is interesting how much of my life growing up I took it for granted that I went to lots of weddings. I don’t think some people (myself when I was there!) know just how lucky they are to have wedding to go to so often every year!

    1. I’m guessing this is what you mean by “when it’s working” but I am enjoying learning that it can mean “even when it’s hard work, and no fun, but you’re figuring it out to get back to things being fun” as well as just the easy times of things working. It’s not always smooth, but so long as its running and we’re both trying its’s “working” and getting back to being beautiful.

  2. truly, I had never really thought about it this way. I KNOW going to weddings makes me feel more up-front love to my husband, but of course it comes from the whole process AND the real fact that all marriages are a support to each other and community at large!

  3. I love how this is written Abby. What a beautiful description of a relationship and of how we can affect eachother’s relationships. And it is amazing how relationships are bigger than us; how we aren’t choosing to affect other people in a conscious way on one level…but we are affecting them none-the-less. It is like this with individuals too… We are woven into the fabric of people’s lives whether we like it or not, and our actions and our simple presence in the world have far greater implications than we can possibly be aware of.

  4. Lovely Abby! Not being married yet, this is what I hope for in the future – that with the seasons when you drift apart you will always find a way back together again.

  5. I have been married for 12.5 years and together with my husband for 17 years. We were friends, best friends and then decided after quite some time to get married. Mainly because he, as a New Church person, wanted to be 1 million percent sure that I was the woman he wanted to be with for eternity. Whilst that was hard to understand at the time, it makes me understand in the more difficult times on our journey together, just how committed he is to our marriage and that often gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

    We have had our tough times and in those times darker thoughts surface. But with the support of friends, many of whom are New Church women, I have reread my marriage vows and understand that we have a truly conjugial marriage where I promised to be there no matter what.

    In the tough times, I try to put aside all my ‘stuff’ and my needs and focus on just adoring my husband. He feels that support and that love and that I am not angry with him and I have seen how much more that helps him and in turn our marriage by truly being there for him and with him.

    Thank you Abby for a beautifully written piece. It certainly made me again appreciate my husband and our marriage.

  6. I was just looking at photos from past projects, and came across pictures of your headpiece that I was privileged to make. I loved being a part of your wedding preparation. Thanks for letting me also be a part of your marriage through your lovely writing.

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