Marriage is a complex and layered thing. Loving (and continuing to learn to love) another person is a full, and deep, and nuanced experience. To see someone, learn their way of speaking, understand their body language, know how they think and act, understand their moods, and decide that you love that person and want to be forever with that person is a thing that is dense with knowledge, emotion, and a connection to the spiritual level. It can look like a simple natural world thing of daily interactions, but sometimes we can see and feel more of these layers than usual.
Marriage hasn’t always been easy for me. I feel privileged to have been given many tools heading into marriage. While I have never feared divorce, I have had times of questioning and times of anxiety and frustration, and times of wondering when I would get back to feeling warm and fuzzy towards my husband again. Through all of that, though, I have felt the depth of my marriage, and known that there is more to it than meets the eye. That there are more people affected by this non-material thing that exists between me and my husband. Affected in ways that I cannot know. But still I think it is hard to see the bigger picture of the impact of marriage when you are zoomed in on your own relationship.
This week I get the fun of being with my husband’s family for a wedding. It has been a week full of the hustle and bustle of wedding preparation, and amidst it all I am being filled up by the love of the bride and groom.
Being around a couple who are sweetly and lovingly and excitedly looking towards their own marriage, I feel like I can see a few more of the layers and spiritual implications of a seemingly non-material thing than sometimes. I see their support, and it inspires me to support. I see their affection, and it makes me want to reach out and hold my husband’s hand. I see them smile at each other as they realize they’re only a few more days away from being married, and I feel that anticipation and love and energy for their relationship, and I can’t help but remember my own wedding, and that sweet excitement as I went through those same days. And I feel the very concrete way that I am already benefitting from their marriage. Without even knowing or trying they are supporting me in reconnecting to my own marriage. I feel a little more connected to heaven as I am able to experience the power of witnessing other people’s love. I am re-engaged with the reality of a heavenly world full of couples working towards two people becoming more and more one person, and I am happy to love my husband.